Before I Even Ask the Question
Before I even ask the question, I know the answer and I believe it with all my heart. I really, deeply do.
I know that my heart will explode with as much love, adoration and amazement for my baby girl as it did with my baby boy a year and a half ago. I do, I really know this and believe truly believe it.
But I still ask myself the question: how am I going to have double this love, adoration and amazement for another babe?!?
I have 10 weeks to go before we welcome our second kiddo, a baby girl, into our family. While I get the ‘sweats’ thinking about having two children under two years of age, I keep wondering how am I going to possibly love another kiddo as much as I love E?!?
When E was born, through the haze of coming out of an emergency C-section after days of induction and laboring, and four hours of pushing, my heart exploded. Right there in the operating room. Then it exploded again as I finally got to hold him. And then again when I saw him finally feeling like myself again post-op. And again when he opened his big brown eyes looked at me. And again when we got the hang of nursing. And again and again…
All of E’s ‘firsts’ have made me boil over with love and pride of his sense of accomplishment. And mine. And his papa’s. E is now a running, chattering, funny, loving, and adventurous little boy who hugs and kisses my pregnant belly. He tells me there is a baby in my belly. And in his. And in his papa’s. He continues to amaze me and makes me laugh everyday. Really, he truly does.
It took me some time to find my feet as a mama. Now that I am comfortable with my ‘mama legs,’ I wonder how my confidence as a mama will change how I will love, adore and enjoy our baby girl. I wonder how seeing our baby girl and all her ‘firsts’ through the eyes of her big brother will change how I see and feel love, adoration and amazement. My guess, it will only increase the frequency of my heart exploding.
The thing is, I am so full of this love, amazement and adoration; I can’t imagine doing it again and have this sense of fullness double. Really, I cannot imagine it.
And yet, I cannot wait.