Tit for Tat

My husband and I, while sedentary bookworms at heart, like to do stuff. In fact, one of us likes to leave the house each night – to exercise, go to the library, a coffee shop, or even run errands. When Miss Red was an infant and we were both home with her, we gave one another an hour or two each day to leave the house – a necessity to prevent insanity.

Art by Colin Holden

Our schedules are pretty standard these days – one day a week CH has choir, I hit a yoga class one night a week, we both exercise one additional night each, and he goes out each Thursday night with other friends.

What has always been important to us is equality in parenting. Nothing can ever be equal, but we each do our best to spend equal amounts of time with Miss Red and give one another equal amounts of time away. Thus, we take turns bathing her and putting her to sleep, getting up in the middle of the night, and sleeping in on the weekends. We like it, and it works for us. But what can sometimes emerge is a “tit for tat” mentality that we are both guilty of – the “I gave her a bath last time, so it’s your turn,” or “you were gone all day, so I’m going to check out tonight.” Again, it mostly works and there are no hard feelings, but I know at some point that will disappear – as Miss Red becomes more independent and there isn’t so much management of her needs.

For now, even with hiccups, it works. Does something like this work for you?

– MD

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  1. It’s really hard not to keep score. Really hard.

  2. Major thankies for the blog post.Much thanks again.

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